It's Tearin' up my heart when I'm with you! Baby, ain't no lie.. baby bye bye bye.... I Want it that way.. Tell me why?..

And that was the most boy band quotes I could think of at the moment. My brian... brian.. brain.. could be relatively fried... frizzled? Bedazzled? NO... that's.. um... anyway.

What's the difference between a 'boy band' and a 'vocal group'? Because being in a 'vocal group' (The Miracles, The Temptations, The Four Seasons) is COOL.. while being in a Boy Band (Backstreet Boys, N'SYNC, The New Kids on the Block) is LAME. They both don't play instruments and only sing... maybe it's the stupid dance moves and the electronic drum beats you only find with Boy Bands... yeah, that's probably it.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd, I put tooooooooo many n's in that annnnnnnd. I did it again! Oh no, what will ever become of the world because, Kason, (I), put to many n's in that and. I put to many n's in that and, oh no, whoa whoa, to many n's in that and, oh whoaaaaaaaaa!

Pshhhhhhhhhhh This is the republic of newertenania, we are requesting permission to land.
I don't think so.... I think that was already accomplished by those little green dudes over there.
Hoshposh, my dear chap! This is Britain for gosh sakes! And the only way you know that.. is because I just said 'hoshposh' which is clearly a british term. (it's nott.... it's nottt...) well you have a good day then!

Wow........................... that was............. too many elipses to count, now it's like an anime cartoon.

I came to defeat you ampitrion! No...... it is I who will defeat you!
What's with the elipsis? Can we just space everything out with those and expect people to take us seriously? YES.

But wait! there's more! I mean... less.. I mean... More? Yes? Did all intelligence just fall out of the sky and land on that there barbecue, Joe shmo? yes.. yes it did.. punctuation error number 66. Execute order 66.

No.

Yes?

Explain.

King of Carrot Flowers

I've been thinking a lot lately about me when I was little. I find it funny, that when I was little, all I wanted was to grow up. Now that I have (kind of, not really), I only wish I was in Kindergarten again. I wonder if that's how the rest of life is going to be... When I'm twenty, will I wish I was fifteen? And when I'm forty, will I wish I was twenty? Sounds miserable.

But when I was little, everything was so much simpler. We let our imaginations run wild, we believed in magic. There wasn't a problem in the world, and if there was, it was over in about five minutes. I only wish I could be like that again..

But what happens to us? Maturity? But then, why are we generally more unhappy as we get older? Can we not simply be simple like we were? Is that against some unwritten rule to our personalities?

We are faced with a lot more responsibilities I suppose, and social pressure, and hormones, and all that blah. But are we not deeper creatures? We have a spirit, a soul, a very essence of US. Can that not be childlike in simplicity?

I don't know... I only wish I was in Kindergarten again. But all the things I've learned since then.. Maybe I don't. Perhaps everything I'm going through I'm learning for a reason... And perhaps the challenge in itself is maintaining happiness. However hard it may be. Sometimes I just want to go outside, with a best friend, and lay down and look at the stars, and talk for hours. I need to do that sometime... I need a simpler time.

But that simple time would end, and we would get pulled back into the chaos. But I would have something to cherish, would I not? I don't know...

What Matters Most

I'm not the best at this myself.. But what a message this video brings. I only wish to pass this on to others, as Thomas S. Monsen is the prophet of God. And I love him. And this message, really speaks to my heart. I know, without a doubt, what he is saying is true. The things we remember, the things we cherish, the memories.. are always involving those we love. Never something we must get done. How blessed we are to have a prophet to remind us.. what matters most.




Waterloo Sunset's Fine

Joy filled my heart, as the snow fell today. Oh I am so happy, I just thought I would say so. Life's so beautiful, isn't it? Why do we forget that? I don't want to forget, because the world truly is so beautiful. No matter what happens, no matter the trouble. The world, the universe, the wonders of it all... They're still here. If you look hard enough, you'll find them. Over any problem, there is a glimpse of light. Always.

Fated to Pretend

When I wake up every morning, and when I go to bed every night, I have such a different mind set than I do when I am going through the day. When I am dreaming, when I am just laying in bed, I feel so different than when I am at school.

I can't explain it, and I don't know if everybody else feels the same way. But I am not Kason, really, when I'm going through the day. I am the Kason that I want people to see, or the Kason I am capable of portraying. To some people, I have showed my true inner self, but that Kason, ME, has also been rejected.

I am always acting, I think we all are. We are all parts in an epic play, in which we are not really being ourselves.

But I wish to be myself, all the time! Myself enjoys the very simple things in life, I simply want to love without question, seek wonders, and sing in the rain. The very essence of happiness, is enjoying the simplicities. I don't want to go through the motions anymore.

But sure enough, tomorrow I will wake up, and become a person in the world again. It will happen, it always does. I'm not sure I'm capable of portraying my true self, at least not to everyone.

Sometimes it comes out and is rejected I think.

I have only experienced small moments where I feel that I, myself, am actually loved for exactly what I am. I think that's the love you feel in your very soul, the moments that take your breath away.

A Dream

To live life as a dream
That I never awake from
To experience all that wonder
To live as if I'm invincible

To have a single friend
To lay on the cold grass with
And count the stars,
Or make shapes in clouds
Or talk for hours on end with

To run through the fields
To forget all the worries
To smile at every passing by
Worries don't matter in dreams
Troubles don't haunt in dreams

To have a friend
To confide in
Just like those in dreams
To tell my soul and thoughts with
To hold and make laugh

To live life as if a dream
To run away from all
To live life as if a dream
That I never awake from

Someone to Walk With

I appear at a clearing. Two roads diverge in front of me. Choose, a voice says. You always have a choice.


I walk down a road, a simple road. People's faces surround me, everywhere. We are walking one way I look around me and I am content, walking. But suddenly the road grows dark, black surrounds me. I look around, the people are gone. I am alone. I feel pain, tears sting my eyes. Blank faces appear from the darkness. Their hands grab me, they pull me in.
I can't escape. No. They drag me down.

I scream

I cry

I scream

I cry

I pray for a way out

Suddenly I appear at a clearing, the darkness is gone. And yet I see two roads in front of me.

Choose.

You always have a choice.

I walk down the road to the right, all alone. But the road is full of beauty, full of wonder. I come to the end, and I come to a spring. Blooming trees are everywhere, fruit grows from every branch. I pick one, and it's sweet to the taste. Happiness fills my soul, I have joy. I wish to stay here forever, among the fireflies and butterflies. I wish to.

But again, I appear at a clearing, the light is gone. And Yet I see two roads in front of me.

Choose.

You always have a choice.

Walk down the road to the right. The right leads to happiness, again I say. I walk down the road to the right, I walk for a long time. I find myself finding the same things over and over again, the road never ending. I run, I sprint, where is the end? I fall on my face, I can't get up. Is there help? Where were the people who once surrounded me?

The clearing appears again. Two roads. Choose. You always have a choice.

I get down on my knees and cry. I can't do this alone, I can't. I'm terrified of running into the darkness, horrified of running without end. I can't go on, how will I know how to find happiness?

Suddenly a hand reaches out and grabs mine, and a man is standing there. Follow me, he says. Follow me, I'll take you to the happiness.

And so I follow him, uncertain of where he is leading me. But he leads me to the happiness, and I am once again dancing among the daffodils. Joy fills my heart once again, and I wish to stay there forever. I ask the man, can I stay forever? He replies
No.
There is more you have to learn.
But remember me, I will lead you here.


The Clearing. Two Roads. Choose. You always have a choice.

And I see a group of people, going down the path on the left. They appear very happy, I follow them. But where was the man, the man who led me to the happiness? He was not there. I figured these people must know the way, I followed them. But as we walked further down the path, I noticed the scenery around me change. The people once again disappeared. Darkness once again surrounded me
No.
No.
Get me out, not again.
I'll do anything.
But the blank faces do not appear.
I only see a cliff, and ending in the road. Something new.
I go to the edge of the cliff, I look down. Nothing.
I try to return to the path from whence I came.
But the path no longer exists. I am stuck.
I fall down the cliff, into never ending blackness.


And then the clearing. And the two roads. Choose. You always have a choice.


And I think of the man, the man who led me to the happiness. Why did I not remember? How could I have followed others? How could I not remember?
And he comes once again, offers me his hand, and says
Follow Me.

I follow him.


I know I will once again come to the happy place, but it won't last forever. I will be faced with again two roads. And I'll always have a choice.

I can make a decision on my own.

I can follow a crowd

Or I can wait for him, the man

Who will always lead me to the place.



I may take the wrong path
I may take the wrong path many times

But every time I will come back to the two roads. And every time he will be there. Follow him.

Soy Un Perdedor

I'm a loser, baby :) But I'm perfectly fine with that :)

I'm not the 'coolest' guy around. In fact, most people probably see me as a weirdo. Or a loser. I like 'weird' (good) music, I'm completely passive, and I'm way to sensitive. I love poetry, I love reading the philosophies of Plato. My favorite movie is Singin' in the Rain, which is a musical, which is 'sissy'. I'm way to positive. I'm whimpy. I don't play sports, at least, I don't play sports well. Generally, I am a loser. :). But that's okay.:)

I'm so happy being exactly who I am, really :). And I'm not going to act differently, I'm happy :). I love the world as I see it, and I love everyone around. I may be loser, but someone's gotta be :). And I'll happily and gleefully fill the postition. :)

Just Hear Those Sleigh Bells Jingalin' Ring Ting Tingalin' To

Oh what a beautiful morning! It snowed last night, and how happy I am! I love the winter, as I've said before. I have more good memories in this season than any other. :)

A lot of people seem to see Winter as the season of death. I see it, more than any other, of the season of life. Of the season of light. When Christmas rolls along, no one in this world I believe, is actually sad. How could you be? There is a spirit of giving everywhere :).

I just simply love Winter. The snow on the ground is breathtaking. The overcast is stunning. Santa Claus is coming in a little more than a month :). Winter, You are perfect :)

Let me Love Them

Lord Byron, one of the great Romantic Poets, once said: "It is time this heart should be unmoved, Since others it hath ceased to move: Yet, though I cannot be beloved, Still let me love!"

Though I cannot be beloved, Still let me Love! What a thing to say. Byron is not being loved, but he is still begging to love others. Inspiring? To say the least. Byron's poetry has always been inspiring to me, but this particular line.. really caught me :) Though I cannot be beloved.. Still let me Love.

Though I cannot please them
Please let me love them
Although they think nothing of me
Please let me think everything of them
Although they wish to cause misery
Let me seek to cause happiness
Although they only cause me tears
Let me wipe them all away
Although I cannot please them
Please let me love them.

- K.L. Hudman

When we Meet on a Cloud, i'll be laughing out loud

Today was so beautiful. Oh it was raining, and there were clouds overcasting... just beautiful, truly. And I am so wonderfully happy, after that depressive episode (which was dumb). Thank you Neutral Milk Hotel.. never fail to cheer me up. :) And I should be writing more songs... even though I don't know if I can ever pass up "In Dreams".. which is my personal masterpiece at the moment, and I can't play it without crying.. sometimes.

And how wonderful the world is! Oh, do I have so many reasons to cry... But goodness me, am I forgetting all the reasons I have to smile?
No.
I remember everything good, and everything that remains. Everything that will always be here, to make me smile :).

Imagination, creativity.. never leaving me. No, not ever :)

And I think to myself...

"I see trees of green, red roses to. I see them bloom, for me and you. And I think to myself... what a wonderful world. I see skies of blue, clouds of white. The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night. And I think to myself... what a wonderful world. The colors of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky. Are also on the faces, of people going by. I see friends shaking hands, saying, 'how do you do?' They're really saying 'I love you.' I hear babies cry, I watch them grow. They''ll learn much more, than I'll ever know, and I think to myself... what a wonderful world. Yes, I think to myself... What a wonderful world." :)


You know what? I truly is a wonderful world. As kids, we knew that. We loved without question, and we honestly believed the world was full of miracles, wonder, and magic. But soon, we start to have problems. We start to have heartbreak, loss, depression... And we forget.. that we were right :). As kids, we were right :). Don't forget that.. no matter what happens, no matter what you go through.. that the world is in fact.. full of wonder.

We Don't Get Fooled Again

I personally am not quite sure why I am writing this. Perhaps it is to help myself, perhaps it is just go get out my feelings. I don't know, but I know I must :)

There are people in this world who would absolutely love to see me miserable. There are people out there, who everyday are trying to make my life worse. They would like nothing better, than for me to cry. For me to be depressed. It seems that what they want most, is Kason's misery. If they can achieve that, then they feel accomplished.

And one of the stupidest things, is that these people were once my very good friends. And sometimes, I actually believe that they are going to be just that. A good friend. I get sucked in to an idea that they actually care about me, when really, of course they don't. They care about no one but themselves.

Sometimes I feel like the whole world is against me, and there is no one on my side. But that is just not true, you see. Even if the whole world thought I was worth nothing, I, ME, I think I am worth an awful something.


So You See? The only thing I have to say is, in the words of the Pete Townshend:

"I'll tip my hat to the new constitution, take a bow for the new revolution, SMILING free to the change all around. I'll pick up my guitar and play, just like yesterday, and I'll get on my knees and pray... We don't get fooled again!"

I won't get fooled again. I don't need you, any of you.

And Raindrops may be fallin' on my head. But I know that happiness will come up to greet me, sometime. :)

Oft, In the Stilly Night

Oft, in the stilly night,
Ere Slumber's chain has bound me,
Fond Memory brings the light
Of other days around me;
The smiles, the tears,
Of boyhood's years,
The words of love then spoken;
The eyes that shone,
Now dimm'd and gone,
The cheerful hearts now broken!
Thus, in the stilly night,
Ere Slumber's chain hath bound me,
Sad Memory brings the light
Of other days around me.

When I remember all
The friends, so link'd together,
I've seen around me fall
Like leaves in wintry weather;
I feel like one,
Who treads alone
Some banquet-hall deserted,
Whose lights are fled,
Whose garlands dead,
And all but he departed!
Thus, in the stilly night,
Ere Slumber's chain hath bound me,
Sad Memory brings the light
Of other days around me.

- Thomas Moore

I love this poem, I relate to it so much.

Just Me

I'm not what you want me to be, I can't. You've asked to much, I'm not that. I've been there from the beginning, you've pushed me aside. I'm not important, am I?
No.
I'm all alone, not a soul beside me. I'm so abandoned. I need to run away, can I get away?
No.
Chasing a dream, a wonderful dream. A dream to escape, a dream to live. Can I dream forever?
No.
No love, no comfort, what's the point of going on? I need a loving place, is there one?
No.
I need to be myself, in a world with no one else, can I do this simple thing?
Yes.

Happy List

Because my last two posts were doleful and miserable, and because I probably need one, these are the things that make Kason happy :)

1.Sitting with a friend for hours, and talking about nothing.
2. Singing out loud, even when I'm off tune, and don't know the words
3. The Song "What a Wonderful World"
4. Snow falling, especially the first snow.
5. Laying on the cold grass, and counting the stars
6. Singin in the Rain, the movie and actually doing so.
7. When I leave the house, and my dog sits in front of the door, looks right at me, and tilts his head to the side.
8. Conference Sunday
9. Laying under a tree, and finding shapes in the clouds
10. Performing with my band
11. Writing a really good song, and getting excited about it
12. Fields and Rain
13. Watching a movie, and talking through the whole thing and making fun of it.
14. Christmas, the whole season
15. My Uncle Todd, in general
16. Running around and Jumping, for no particular reason
17. Auto Tune the News # 5
18. A Hug
19. Remembering a really good dream
20. Incoherently speaking




And those are the things that make Kason happy, among other things :)

What Love?

New New Year Project Song Im working on. These are the lyrics, hoping to finish the music soon.

What Love?


All Around, all I see is fear
Not a comforting hand, there's no one near
No smiles, not one kind word
When I need someone, no voice is heard

I need to find a loving place, in this world
What World?
What Love?

If there was love, you'd still be here
If we were people, they'd be here to dry my tears
Where is a friend, is anyone there?
I'm lost and alone, I'm confused and scared

I have to find a loving place in this world.
What world?
What Love?

If I'm still alive, why do I feel dead

What World?
What Love?

- Kason Lon Hudman, of The New Year Project


I'm going on a huge writing spree, I have about four or five songs in the works. This is the first of many to come..

If I Just Turn and Run

I Love Fake Plastic Trees, Can I just say that once again? I'm sitting here crying, I know this sounds really stupid.. . I feel so alone. But Fake Plastic Trees.. reminds me of why I go on smiling. For some reason, it shows me I'm not the only one who has to put up with all this. The world seems fake and plastic right now, but I'll move on. I'm done though. I'm done with all these people who seem to think that I don't matter. I'm done.


I'm sorry everyone, I can't be who you want all the time. But oh me!... I can be who I want. I can be me, who I think is worth a great deal. I mean a lot to me, I think I'm worth something. And I'm going to go on smiling, because Fake Plastic Trees reminds me why I do.

I feel like turning and running now... I feel like leaving it all behind. The tears are stinging my eyes, their pouring down my face. What, oh me, oh life? I'm lost, I'm confused.. I'm alone.

I've tried, I've failed. I've been there, but unappreciated. What, Oh me, Oh life? Am I simply put here to be such? Am I meant to be the dirt rag in the epic play? Is that the verse I'm contributing?

Fake Plastic Earth, why have you grown so cold? What happened to the smiles, the love? You were not always Fake. You were Wonderful. But oh.. My Fake Plastic Love.. :(

Fake Plastic Trees reminds me why I must go on smiling. Because I am worth something, whether you believe it or not.